Results tagged “church” from Marilyn Sewell

In institutional affairs, as well as in affairs of the heart, we do well to "speak the truth, in love."  This promise was part of the covenant which ministers typically make when they are installed in a church.  It is not an easy covenant to keep.  Leaders of all kinds of institutions tend to think that fudging the truth from time to time will keep the institution stable and whole; they tend to believe that transparency is just threatening.  Well, truth-telling is messy, yes, but necessary--necessary for the integrity of an institution, and necessary for its long-term viability and strength. And it must be done in love.  That's the clincher. 

Romantic partners also tend to shy away from truth-telling.  We will hold back our true feelings, even deny these feelings altogether, in the name of holding onto the "togetherness"--or at least the peace of the household.  But this denial of our own emotional reality never works.  As one friend once reminded me, "The unconscious always wins."  So we push those hurt feelings under, over and over again, and then all of a sudden we lash out--or worse than that, we just decide we don't want to be with this person any longer.  We may not even know why.  For some reason, we just don't like ourselves when we are with this partner. 

In affairs of state, the same principle holds: speak the truth, with respect and compassion.  President Obama beautifully illustrated how this might be done in his speech in Cairo, on June 4.  In a world in which posing and posturing are the order of the day, resulting in seemingly endless hostilities and shameful human loss, Obama simply said: "So long as our relationship is defined by our differences, we will empower those who sow hatred rather than peace, and who promote conflict rather than the cooperation that can help all of our people achieve justice and prosperity.  This cycle of suspicion and discord must end. I have come here to seek a new beginning between the United States and Muslims around the world . . . ."

Obama doesn't skirt the specifics: the Arab world heard about extremism, about nuclear arms programs, about a poor record in human rights.  On the other hand, Obama spoke with equal passion about the suffering of the Palestinians due to the Israeli occupation, about the injustice of Israeli settlements in the occupied territory.  He quoted from the Holy Koran (a holy scripture rarely heard by U.S. citizens): "Be conscious of God and speak always the truth."  He went on to say that he will try "to speak the truth as best I can, humbled by the task before us . . . ."

Obama is showing the world--and most especially his own country--what leadership is all about.  He may not be able to heal the ages-old rift between Palestinians and Jews--which after all, goes back all the way to Jacob and Esau--but the truth of his words moved people all over the world, ordinary people who understand on a very viseral level that violence multiplies upon itself and that peace makes possible lives of hope and prosperity, for us and for our children and for our children's children.

Courage is required to speak the truth, whether it's in regard to institutions, or intimate relationships, or foreign affairs.  There are always those who are ready to condemn, or to take advantage of any weakness shown.  But the fact is that there is health in the truth, and people are drawn to health when it is given as an alternative.  Honesty has a way of opening up possibility, because a clean field emerges where previously obfuscation made everything blurry and confusing. 

Yes, truth-telling takes courage, but when it's done for the right reason and when it's done in love, it leads to new life.  Ways open that have been shut.  Dreams that never could be imagined suddenly appear. Nothing seems impossible.

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I recently received an anonymous letter.  Now no leader is immune to these things, and I've gotten a few in my day.  Generally they are nasty and often incoherent ravings which I don't bother reading.  This one was decidedly different.  This one was a cry for help.  But since I don't know who sent it, I can't respond.  I know only what she has told me about herself in a 3-page letter. 

M is a person not unlike many of you reading this blog.  She says she has a good sense of humor.  She is a single woman from a middle-class, two-parent family who has worked hard to create a good life for herself.  She has struggled successfully with health problems and problems of self-esteem for the past 10 years and has learned  to cope, in her words, "without self-medicating (food/alcohol/drugs)."

M successfully bought and sold her first house, making a tidy profit.  She re-educated herself about U.S. history from the working people's point of view and found her life's passion as an activist. She opened the first fair-trade shop in her area and created a peace movement in her hometown.  Having previously lived in Portland for a short time, she decided to move here and dedicate herself "to creating a just and equitable society with the good people  in the City of Roses."

But job hunting in Portland has been daunting.  After a life of successful employment, she can find nothing.  When she wrote the letter, she was less than two weeks from being kicked out of her rented room and needing to live in her van.  She needs money for food, medical care, and transportation.  She is asking herself the question, "How is it that an able-bodied person with good work skills and a positive mental and spiritual outlook . . . who comes from a solid middle-class family with loving and supportive parents be standing on an economic cliff, just waiting to be pushed off?"

Dear M--

Had you come to me for counseling, I would have given you a cup of tea.  We would have sat quietly together, and I would have listened.  I would have tried to get to know you not only by your words, but by your facial expressions, by the quality of your voice.  I would have tried to be fully present with you during our time together.  I might have said some of the following things:

I'm so sorry that you are in such a state of fear and pain.  You may feel alone in all of this, but so many people in our church and in Portland and all over the country are facing similar frightening circumstances.  You may feel alone also, because you're new to our city--but  there are many compassionate people who care, and some of them may be found in our church.  Come to the church and visit with one of the ministers, or a lay minister.

Please do not blame yourself for the situation you're facing--it's all too easy for an unemployed person to think that there's something wrong with them.  That's just not true.  Our unemployment rate is in the double-digits in this state--and those stats don't include all those who have given up looking for work and all those who are under-employed.  You've had problems with self-esteem in the past, and these same demons may reappear while you're going through this vulnerable period.  Keep telling yourself that you are not the problem.

In your letter you say that this economic crisis is proof that the current economic model is not viable.  I couldn't agree more.  We are trying to "bail out" a system that is corrupt and finally imploded upon itself.  We are going to have to reimagine how we want to be together as a people, and we're going to have to create an economic model that is inclusive of the well-being of all, not just the wealthy.  With your understanding of class and your commitment to change, you will be a part of creating that new future.

As to how we got in this fix--and it is a world-wide phenomenon, of course--the short answer is "sin."  Too many people were willing to look away from what they knew to be true, because they were being enriched by a system that had no integrity, that was bound to fail.  Government and business ane functionally interchangeable, and one might even say that the main purpose of government in this country is to protect and support big business.  Until the people say "no more!" shameful economic inequity will continue,  I hope that the bankers and money brokers and government officials who turned a blind eye to our economic disaster-in-the-making understand that real human beings like you--millions of them--are suffering terribly because of their selfishness and lack of responsibility.

The last question in your letter is "When will it end?"  I wish I could prophesy, and tell you.  But no one can, because the situation we are facing is unprecedented.  Thus far, we have been throwing old solutions at a new problem--kind of like treating AIDS with lots and lots of penicillin. 

I will tell you this--it will end, though, because human beings eventually figure stuff out.  All of us have to be a part of the new age that is coming.  In the meantime, find a community.  Know that you are not alone.  Know that you a good person.  Know that the future will open once again for you, as it has in the past.  

Bless you, my dear, wherever you are.  Though I don't know you, know that I'm thinking of you.

Marilyn 

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A new study by the American Religious Identification Survey has shown a sharp decrease in the number of people who claim to be religious.

--the number of people who call themselves Christian is at 76%, down from 86% in 1990

--30% of couples who marry do not bother to have a religious ceremony

--when asked to speciify their religion, 8.2% said "none" in 1990; in this study, 15% said "none"

So what's the deal?  Have people given up on God?

I think people have given up on the kind of religion that they see in the media.  Almost every story about contemporary religion is about fundamentalist religion, and almost every story has to do with some scandal or some abuse of the cloth or some terrible lie or some hypocrisy--or just some nonsense that people who have gone beyond the fifth grade find difficult to respect--like God made the earth in 7 days. 

I have been to the Hall of Justice in the State of Alabama and seen in the rotunda the huge boulder inscribed with the Ten Commandments, plus quotations from our alleged "Christian" founding fathers (it has, thankfully, removed).  I have talked with the creationist who explained that her mentor has 2 large stones on which are pictured dinosaurs and humans, proving therefore that dinosaurs and humans roamed the earth at the same time.  I have seen on TV the woman who says that God brought her dead chicken back to life, through prayer and mouth-to-beak resuscitation.  I have been confounded by the Ph.D. theology professor who told me that Gandhi was in hell because "he did not accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior."

Worse than this, I have seen my gay and lesbian church members fear for their safety because they have been told they are sinners and less than whole by fundamentalist Christians.  I have known Catholic "good old boy" church bureaucrats that have sent priest sex offenders from parish to parish, to molest other children.  I have known people crippled with guilt, running from God, because they had been told they were bad and were going to hell.  And now the latest: the Pope has denounced the use of condoms in Africa to prevent AIDS.  He added that he was bringing  "the Christian message of hope." 

The way I read the New Testament, Jesus is all about love and tolerance, compassion and forgiveness.  How did so many Christians go so wrong?  Are they reading the same Bible I am?

Of course, there are liberal religious people--like Unitarian Universalists and many liberal Christians.  If we got a little more press, perhaps religion wouldn't have such a bad name.  At least I would like to think so.  God is obviously a liberal--who could be more bounteous, generous, beneficent, caring, more lavish, prodigal, profuse, and charitable? 

Why are people giving up on church?  Because church has given up on them.  Churches of whatever name or theological persuasion had better get back to the core message.  It's the shortest verse in the Bible, and it's pretty simple: "God is love."

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