What's It All About, Alfie, Part III, Problems of Living

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Question: "How does a mother deal with difficulties with her grown daughters?"

Answer: All of us who have adult children know that parenthood never ends--we will always be moms and dads to our children, and we will always be concerned when they are in ill health or when their lives seem to be going awry, for any reason.  I'm not sure what kind of difficulties you are referring to, but generally parents get in trouble when we try to exercise control over our grown children.  About all we can do is to be there for them and to be sensitive to their stated needs--in other words, to be a loving presence in their lives.  We should always let them know that we care about them, and we should not withhold approval and praise, for even though they are grown, they need this kind of support from their parents and will continue to need it, whether they are 25 or 65.

Question: "How do you love someone who continues to hurt you?"

Answer: You would have to be something of a saint to love someone who is continuing to hurt you.  I'm assuming that you have some control over the relationship.  You should not allow anyone to hurt you, even if this person is a relative or close friend.  I suggest that you tell the individual how and why you are hurting, and if the behavior doesn't stop, then withdraw from the relationship.  At this point it will be much easier to practice forgiveness.  Remember, however, that forgiveness does not necessarily include reconciliation and renewed pain.

Question: "What is the best way to mend a broken heart?"

Answer: This is not my area of expertise, believe me!  Longing for love, we internalize in our very flesh the memory of belonging and connection from the last intimate relationship we experienced.  We must grieve that loss, and then, in my experience, we must find a new love, else memories of the old love will continue to haunt us.

Question: "How can our faith help with the anxiety and despair we have over the environmental crisis?"

Answer: There must have been other times in history when people thought that surely the world would end--perhaps during the Black Death of medieval times or during the World Wars of the last century.  The fact is that we do not have ultimate control.  All we can do is to face reality with courage and to do what we can to heal our earth and its people.  If we are depending upon ourselves alone, that is a frightening prospect, indeed.  But remember that we are partnered with the Holy.  That is the assurance that makes us strong and faithful in challenging times like these. 


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